Friday, March 20, 2009

To hold on and stifle or to let go and worry ?

It's a nice Saturday evening and I am playing with my son in our room. We are racing a r/c Ferrari that I recently bought for my son though I am the one who usually ends up playing
with it. He is kinda afraid of it because it moves by itself (when I use the remote). He likes
to just roll it around with his hands or bang it hard on the floor - already the tiny rear-view mirror on one side is gone. I tried to teach him to use the remote, but he either did not understand it or did not like running the car with the remote.

My wife has finished her kitchen chores and joins us. She watches us play for some time and
then pops a question which seems out-of-context to me.

Wife : If our son desires to join the Indian Army when he grows up, would you let him ?

I am surprised at the question. Our son is not even 2 years old and she is asking about a
decision he might take when he is 18 or more.

Me : Well, if that is his wish, why not ?

Wife : You mean you don't have any issues with his joining the Army ?

Me : Yes. And what is wrong about joining the Army ? When I was growing up, I really
wanted to join the Army, but since it was not a serious interest, I just outgrew it.

Wife : I won't let him join the Army.

Me : Well, that depends on whether he would abide by your decision. Anyway this is
something that is so much into the future. We will deal with it when we come to it.

Why my wife brought up this discussion became clear to me only yesterday when I watched
the DVD of the Tamil movie "Vaaranam Aayiram". She had watched it last week and in the movie the protagonist tells his parents that he intends to join the Army. Like it happened in
our case, the Dad was sort of OK with it, while the Mom was all against it, due to the danger involved in the profession. Ofcourse the son goes ahead with his decision.

I think my wife expected me to have the same viewpoint as her because some weeks ago
when we were discussing something else related to our son, both of us had the same view.

Wife : What do you think about sending our son to all these school outings ?

Me : You mean the kind where the kids and a couple of teachers go visit places either on a
day trip or for 3-7 days ?

Wife : Yes. Will you let him go ?

Me : No way. If at all he insists, either both of us or atleast one of us will accompany him.

Wife : Me too. I would be worried if he were to go alone on such trips. Every other day there
is some news in the papers about how a kid or two drowned somewhere or had some other
fatal accident when on such trips.

Me : Yeah. That is my worry also. Ofcourse that is not going to go down well with him. Kids
hate it when their parents don't let them go on such trips with their friends.

Wife : Tell me about it. My parents would not allow me to go and I hated it.

Me : Still you are going to do the same when it comes to your kid. :-)

Wife : Well, that is because I love him and worry about him.

Me : Hmm. As if at that age, he is going to understand this logic. He is going to hate us for this.

Wife : I don't care if he were to hate me, but there is no way on earth I am going to let him
go to outings where I cannot be sure of his personal safety.

I know we are being too paranoid, but like they say, you only understand a parent's fears and feelings when you yourself become one. I just hope we don't overdo the concern thing & make our son feel stifled.

P.S. : No idea what career our son will opt for when he grows up, but I am sure he would find it loads of fun to read years later about how his parents worried about such silly stuff:-)

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