One of the most important traits to have, is the right attitude - to life, work, relationship or to just about anything. Yet, that is one attribute that most of us (including yours truly) do not
really work on.
I was having my usual weekly phone call with my sis who is based at Cochin in Kerala. After
the usual talk about life in general, she said that she was actually planning to call me to discuss something. She said it was about Divya (her daughter and my favourite niece) and some problems she was facing ather school.
Some background details :
Few months ago my sis had got a job as a lecturer in a Government college in Cochin and
since it was a big career growth for her from her previous job of teaching in a school, she
and my BIL decided (after weeks of thinking) to go for it. Even though it meant relocation
from their own home in Kollam (150kms from Cochin) to a rented home in Cochin. Plus
moving Divya to a new school in Cochin.
Ofcourse, Divya was all gung-ho about the move. Like any kid, she was open to change, more
so if it meant moving to a new city, new school, new neighbours/friends etc. Ofcourse it took
only a few weeks for her to realise that it was not as much fun as she imagined it would be.
Kollam was just 50kms away (1 hour drive) from my parent's home and we could drop in
every now and then. Plus, the neighborhood was familiar to her, with quite some of her Dad's relatives living there.
But, things were different in Cochin since everything was new and required adjustment on
her side. These problems sunk in only a while after the move to Cochin and by that time,
there was no turning back. The main problem was making friends at the new school, because
while the rest of the kids had been studying together for the last few years and were already friends, she was a newcomer to the group. So, getting entry into the groups was a hurdle.
Ofcourse, she did manage to make friends with some of the kids in her class. Over the weeks
and months, she managed to gain the confidence of the other kids in her class and things sort
of settled into a routine. She still missed her friends at Kollam, but was slowly getting used to
the eventuality of having to be in Cochin for atleast 2-3 years, till my sister got a transfer to a college near Kollam.
Since Cochin was 100kms away (2-hours if I drive, 3-hours if my Dad drives), we could drop
in only once a month or so over the weekend and she would be delighted. But when it would
be time for us to leave, it would invariable find her crying. Anyway, things were settling down and she was doing good at school -she always was a good student and figured in the top-5 of
her class.
And that is when trouble reared its head. She got an invite from a classmate (let's call her D)
to a party that D was hosting at her home. D is the daughter of a big shot in the Malayalam
movie industry - I googled his name and saw that he seems to be some kind of an alrounder - producer, distributor, music director, talent spotter etc etc. Anyway, to summarize, a real
loaded guy. During our Cochin visit last weekend, we were walking around the neighborhood
and Divya showed us D's home and it sure was big and well-designed - the backwaters on one
side, a fancy white picket fence and stuff.
Anyway, my sis being a little wary (like any Indian mom when it comes to their daughters -
sons are ok) decides that it really isn't a good idea to be attending house parties and stuff
when you are just 10 years old. More so when the hostess is in a different league all together.
So Divya has to decline the invite, which was not really an issue with D, though I think Divya
would have loved to attend the party.
But what caught D's goat was seeing another classmate playing with Divya at Divya's home.
D's thought process went something like, "She would not come to the party I hosted. And yet invites over other classmates to her home. But not me." Being an adult, I am not sure how
this becomes such a big issue, but kids being kids, D is not happy.
And since she has so much clout in the class with the other kids, she directs everyone in the
class to not talk to Divya. Basically a fatwa to boycott Divya. You can imagine how this would
be for a kid - no one in the class talks to her and to top it, she is new to the school. Some of the kids do want to talk to Divya, but don't do so out of fear of D's wrath. They do converse with
her when D is not around.
Anyway, like with any kid, these developments have their effect on Divya, which does not go
unnoticed by her carefully observant Mom (my sis). After quite some prodding, she tells the
whole story to her Mom. My sis expects her to cry or feel down due to the kids boycotting her. Knowing Divya since she was born, I would have also not been surprised if she broke down.
She is the exact opposite of my other neice Ann, who is defiant and would take situations head on. If Ann were in Divya's place, I could say with certainty that D would have ended with a bloodied nose.
But Divya surprises her Mom (and me too), by saying, "I am not going to sit and cry about
this. I will show them all by working hard on my studies." And this was not empty rhetoric.
She follows up her words with hard work and excels in school, especially in the Computer
Science class, where she is ranked first in the class.
The teacher is all praise for her achievement and puts a question to the rest of the class,
"Who all here are Divya's friends ?". No one answers or raises their hands in the affirmative, given that they do not want to get in D's bad books. The teacher (who does not know about
D's fatwa to boycott Divya) is kind of surprised and says, "None of you are friends with Divya. That is so odd because you should always make friends with hardworking achievers like her.
I am really surprised that none of you are pally with her."
Now, the kids slowly overcome their fear of D's wrath and a few hands go up here and there
in the classroom. Obviously D is not happy about the development, but given the teacher's encouragement, there is nothing much that she can do about it. Things get easy from here
and slowly Divya is taken into the fold.
Divya had 2 choices here - to sit and sulk, which I really doubt would have helped her gain
any friends OR to take the steps to overcome resistance. And the decision she took shows
her attitude to obstacles. Ofcourse taking a decision is only half the work. Completeness
comes only from following up the decision with hardwork. The course she followed speaks
volumes about her attitude and if this is any indication of how she would approach other
things in life, I am sure she is on the right path.
I could surely learn lots from her approach to what we would otherwise dismiss as a kid's problem.
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